Buy The Book: Making Nice with Naughty

Do you lean overcontrolled? Take the test!

Making Nice With Naughty

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What People Are Saying

“If you have been looking for a book that helps you and your partner understand how to let go of sexual perfectionism and start enjoying your sex life, Making Nice with Naughty is for you. In a kind but straightforward style, Dr. Tom Murray helps you identify why being in control and having great sex don’t make good bedfellows. Then you’ll discover how to turn off that internal critical voice and express and receive the intimacy you really want.”
Dr. Stephanie Buehler
Dr. Stephanie BuehlerAuthor, What Every Mental Health Professional Needs to Know about Sex, 3rd Ed.
“Dr. Murray reminds us why we often say that 'the brain is the biggest sex organ.'” Making Nice with Naughty is a timely discussion on the connection between personality and sexuality. This book offers realistic examples of how our memories, thoughts, and the mind-body connection can impact our sex lives and relationships. This book can help enlighten anyone seeking answers to a possible void or challenge in their sex lives. If you are curious about yourself or others, this book provides valuable insights.”
Tanya M. Bass, Ph.D., CHES®, CSE
Tanya M. Bass, Ph.D., CHES®, CSE The Southern Sexologist ™
“A skillful blend of therapeutic knowledge, assertiveness, and compassion, Dr. Murray succinctly offers clear explanations palatable for the general public as well as for professionals. His clinical approach to working with individuals and relationships comes through beautifully as if he's sitting right across from you.”
Dr. Reece Malone
Dr. Reece MaloneSex Therapist & Sexuality Educator | Co-editor of An Intersectional Approach to Sex Therapy
“If your Over-Controlling Inner Assholes are ruining your intimate relationships, Making Nice with Naughty is your roadmap for letting go, enjoying the ride, and reconnecting to yourself and your partner(s).”
Lynn Dutrow
Lynn DutrowAuthor, ALIGNED As F*ck: Transforming Your Inner Assholes (like Anxiety) into Allies
“If you or someone you know can’t put aside life’s demands long enough to enjoy the simple pleasures of sex, then Making Nice with Naughty is the book for you. Through his personal, relatable, and thought -provoking writing style, Dr. Murray guides readers on how to tame the greatest obstacle to sexual enjoyment, themselves.”
Samuel Sanabria, Ph.D.
Samuel Sanabria, Ph.D.Professor in Clinical Mental Health Counseling, Rollins College
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Styles of Coping Word-Pairs

Read each word-pair in each row and place a check-mark next to the word that best describes you. Make sure you pick only ONE word or phrase in each row. If you are unsure which word best describes you, imagine what your friends or family members might say about you. If neither of the words describe you—pick the one that is the closest to how you would describe yourself. Make sure you pick one word from each row.
Column A Column B

*Note: This scale measures overall personality styles.  A high score on either subscale does not necessarily indicate maladaptive over-controlled or maladaptive under-controlled coping. For assessing maladaptive overcontrolled coping, the OC self-report trait scale should be used. 

What's Inside Making Nice with Naughty?

Why this Book is Written for You!

This book is designed for individuals who feel something missing in their sex life and want to live life fully. They innately know that sexual health is an essential part of their experience of being human, and they want to reduce sexual inhibitions and find ways to make nice with naughty. Many of these patients come to the book because they are anxious and depressed about their sex life, feeling sexually blocked, self-conscious, and sexually constrained. They want to claim their right to sexual pleasure and fulfillment, and the author shares their story of burying their feelings, which is especially true for sexual energy.

Feelings of being sexually bottled up are why you’re here. Parts of you want to be free, or your partner has become resentful and complained that they want more sex than you. On the surface, you agree with them, but there’s something more at play. It’s that innate understanding that you’ve been missing out that drove you to pick up this book—a knowing that sexuality is an integral, meaningful part of your life and your partner’s life.

You’re also deeply aware that your intimate relationship suffers, and you’ve lost the sex drive you once had. You’re often frustrated in your ability to express yourself sexually, perhaps even afraid. You want to become more spontaneous, but something is holding you back. You want to find out what that something is and make nice with it so you can express and find enjoyment in your sexuality again.

The author doesn’t profess to have a prescription that will cure your overcontrolled temperament. There are not enough drugs or therapy in the world that will make you under-controlled, and it may be that way for you. However, they’ve worked to identify contexts where you can turn down your overcontrolledness to get more of what you want.

The book offers a context for understanding your overcontrolled temperament (OC) and helping you make sense of it so that you can get to the nub of why you have the experiences you’re having. Trust your observations of your behaviors and experiences compared to the common traits of OC people and the real-life stories of patients described throughout the book. Their experiences with the world around them are authentic, and you may discover that their experiences resonate with your own.

The Overcontrolled Temperament

Too much self-control, also known as the Overcontrolled Temperament, is characterized by the following core traits:

  • Not being open to new, strange, and unexpected experiences;
  • tendency to avoid uncertainty;
  • being risk-averse;
  • threat sensitivity and hypervigilance.
  • Compulsive need for structure and order;
  • hyperperfectionism;
  • rigid rule-governed behavior;
  • high moral certitude;
  • the strong belief in what “should be, must be, has to be.”
  • Flat or neutral face; not easily excited;
  • avoiding vulnerability;
  • saying “fine” when things aren’t fine;
  • pride in having a “stable mood.”
  • Feeling alone and that nobody quite gets you or understands you;
  • comparing yourself to others;
  • feeling envious and bitter.

 

Discover How too much Self-control can Ruin your Sex Life and Find Powerful Solutions.

Commons Sexual Problems of Overcontrolled People: Are you experiencing low sexual desire, emotional distance from your partner, sexual performance anxiety, sexual perfectionism, anorgasmia, sexual dysfunction, or sexual pain disorders?

Then you owe it to yourself to read Making Nice with Naughty. An Intimacy Guide for the Rule-Following, Organized, Perfectionist, Practical, and Color-Within-The-Line Types.

You’re not alone. Millions of folks, just like you, struggle with relaxing and being playful during sex. For them, naughty has gotten a bad rap and represents so much of what you’ve come to avoid: mystery, unpredictability, the unfamiliar, and uncertainty. Yet, these features are essential to acquiring a meaningful and fulfilling sex life.

Get Sage Advice From a Leading Sexologist. It’s time to make nice with naughty! Utilizing several innovative and effective psychotherapies, including Radically Open Dialectical Behavior Therapy, Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy, and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Dr. Thomas L. Murray, Jr. takes you on an eye-opening journey, using humor and directness, to help you get what you want: a more fulfilling sex life.

Here’s why you’ll love this guide:

  • Discover how (too much) self-control underlies many sexual and relationship problems.
  • Reconnect with your partner using the power of vulnerability.
  • Experience Freedom from Old Patterns of Thinking.
  • Change your relationship with anxiety and embrace uncertainty.
  • Learn To Reduce Negative Self-Talk.
  • Enjoy Greater Psychological Flexibility.
  • Apply New and Powerful Mindfulness Techniques.
  • Discover A Better Sex Life That’s Pleasure-Based Rather Than Performance-Based.
  • And more!

Don’t be left behind, and get practical professional advice to reduce the negative impact of having too much self-control. Making Nice with Naughty is the perfect book for healing the inner suffering of over-controlled people who tend to be rule-oriented and psychologically rigid in ways that interfere with their ability to have rewarding and satisfying sex. Start a transformational journey today!

Are you ready?

Get Your Copy Today!
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Office Address

Dr. Tom Murray
Clinical Training & Consultation, PLLC
612 North Greene Street
Greensboro, NC 27401